For the Lees, “home for the holidays” meant Arlington at Christmas. Robert E. Lee felt this was a time when families should be together and, whenever possible, he and his family returned to Arlington to share the season with Mary's parents. Lee's occupation as an Army Engineer favored winter vacations, when the work was shut down by weather. Frequently, hardships of travel and health had to be overcome to reach Arlington at Christmas.
Despite these challenges, Robert was away from Mary at Christmas only during the war in Mexico from 1846-1849 and in 1860 when he was stationed in Texas. Starting in 1831, the first year of the Lees' marriage, Robert was at Arlington 20 out of a possible 30 Christmases while the family lived there--a phenomenal record for a soldier on active duty for all those years.
The observance of Christmas at Arlington was most immediately influenced by the deep religious convictions of Mrs. Custis and Mr. Custis' love of George Washington, Mount Vernon and all associations with that house that had been his home until his Grandmother, Martha Washington, died in 1802. The fact that the Washingtons had chosen the Christmas season 1758-59 to be married made their wedding anniversary, January 6th an important part of the Arlington celebration.
Christmas at Arlington began on December 17, when Mr. Custis had the greens brought in. The pine, ivy, holly and myrtle filled Arlington and were kept fresh through the twelve days of Christmas. Mistletoe was suspended from lanterns and arches. Any unsuspecting loiterer, found beneath, was required to forfeit a kiss. On Christmas Eve, Mr. Custis supervised the placement of the yule log. A piece of the log from the previous Christmas was used to ignite the highly decorated log of the new season. This old Norse and Anglo-Saxon custom was an important part of the Arlington Christmas celebration.
Christmas day itself began with 'Christmas gifting' of family members, guests and servants followed by morning prayer and breakfast. Then, weather permitting, the family attended services at Christ Episcopal Church in Alexandria where Robert and Mary had worshiped since childhood. After exchanging season's greetings with town friends and family the carriage would return to Arlington in time for the feast. The celebration continued until Robert had to return to duty in January.
As the Lee family grew with the births of seven children between 1832 and 1846, Christmas at Arlington became very child oriented. Books, dolls, boots, skates, and a tool chest were among the gifts exchanged on this day.
Christmas 1846 found Robert E. Lee away from his family and Arlington at Christmas for the first time in 15 years. From his tent near a small Mexican town he wrote to Custis and Rooney on Christmas Eve:
Robert wrote separately to 'My Dearest Mary' on Christmas Day and he described his Christmas dinner. The table was decorated with pine and oranges and bottles of wine. The feast featured roasted turkey and chicken and, among other good things, eggnog. He had made use of the Mount Vernon flatware which Mr. Custis had sent with him. It was placed at the Commanding Officer's place and admired by all. He continued to remember with Mary the Christmases they had shared.
This family, like many others, would not be reunited until the end of the war. Their next Christmas together would be celebrated between assignments for Lee, in 1848, at Arlington.
Christmas 1849 found the Lees settled in Baltimore where Robert was working on the construction of Fort Carroll. They returned to Arlington for every Christmas until 1852. The celebrations were grand, as Lee described in a letter to his eldest son, Custis, who was absent in 1851.
From 1852-1854, Colonel Lee's position as Superintendent of the Military Academy at West Point required the elder Lees' presence during the holidays, so they were away from Arlington for Christmas. In 1856, Lee was absent from the Arlington Christmas celebrations once again after he was transferred to Texas with the Second United States Cavalry. However, his thoughts were with his wife and children, as he wrote to them from afar:
Again, only a few days before Christmas, he wrote:
Lee was back at Arlington for Christmas in 1857, on leave from the army to manage the affairs of the Arlington plantation, in the wake of Mr. Custis's death. Duties connected with the estate would keep him at Arlington through Christmas the following year.
In the spring of 1860, Lee returned to Texas and stayed there through the following winter. As Christmas, 1860 approached, Mrs. Lee's health and the unsettled state of national affairs precluded any thought of her going West. With the election of Abraham Lincoln in November, South Carolina seceded. Concern for the future of the Union was reflected in Colonel Lee's Christmas greeting:
Unfortunately this was not to be and, as it turned out, Christmas of 1860 would be the Lee family's last at Arlington. As Virginia was on the verge of secession in April 1861, Robert E. Lee resigned from the U.S. Army and the family left Arlington for good shortly before the estate was occupied by U.S. Army troops in May 1861.
Text by Agnes Mullins, former Curator, Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial
Last updated: January 27, 2017