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Fire Fishes Chocolate Corpse

July 23, 2013 Posted by: Emma
*Note:  The author would like readers to know that this is a work in progress and she's interested to hear their take on the piece.

Fire Fishes Chocolate Corpse

Sometimes I think the world is build on ashes

With people made of tiny wisps of smoke

Sometimes I think the world needs one more fire

A fire perhaps I’ll be the one to stoke.


Sometimes I think the world is underwater

With people just like fishes in the sea.

Sometimes I think the different types of fishes

Are all the same, for fish is fish to me.


Sometimes I think the world is made of chocolate

when things get hot, the people melt away

Sometimes I think the world needs something harder

More things that will not melt, flee, or decay.


Sometimes I think the world is build on corpses

The people who were on the losing side

Sometimes I think our world composed of winners

Has got it wrong with such victorious pride.

 


13 Comments Comments Icon

  1. Karisa - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:31

    I love how you used basic, often unquestioned objects to interrogate what the world accepts as moral action. I wonder if revisiting your title might strengthen an already powerful poem. Instead of reading each word in the title as a series of nouns, my brain kept trying to read the title as an absird sentence complete with a verb and adjectives which served as a distraction from the seriousness of the stanzas that followed.Keep stoking the fire of your words!

  2. Hayley - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:30

    I loved the line "Sometimes I think the world is made of chocolate when things get hot, the people melt away" and thought that stanza was especially strong. Good job!

  3. Aileen - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:28

    Your language is beautiful! The title is very catchy and made me want to read the poem; I'm glad I did! I'm wondering what inspired you to focus on these 4 elements--fire, fishes, chocolate, and corpse?

  4. Erica - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:21

    Your poem was great! I especially liked the second stanza. You gave a very clear idea of how you see the world.

  5. Robert - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:21

    Beautiful poem! My favorite line: "Are all the same, for fish is fish to me." I would be interested in reading more personal connections to your vision of the world (for example, what makes the world not hard?).

  6. Jose - Philadelphia, Pa.
    July 25, 2013 at 12:19

    Great use of figurative language. Nicely developed imagery.

  7. Adell - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:18

    First thing is that I was reeled in by the title. I wanted to know what this was going to be about. Not to take anything away, but your first stanza was magnificent! I interpreted that to mean that we are here because of our ancestors, however, we may not be doing enough as a community; therefore our ashes (us) may need to be reignited! Beautiful!

  8. Ben - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 12:18

    The title of this is brilliant! It is so simple and your poem is so deep! You have some very powerful ideas here. Your ideas are clear yet deep throughout - you contrast losing with winning in your last stanza. Is there an image that you can use to contrast with the corpses that you write about? This would really bring your poem home!

  9. Colleen - Philadelphia
    July 25, 2013 at 12:16

    Your poem is wonderful! I like how in the first two stanzas you end with how the idea applies to you, and what you will do to change the world. You stray from this in the last two stanzas, so I am curious if you plan to re-visit your role later in your poem? I think that would be a good unifying element to revisit in later stanzas. I love where you're heading, and can't wait to read the final draft!

  10. Isa - Philadelphia, PA
    July 25, 2013 at 06:08

    Terrific poems like this are the reason I try not to read the work of others while i'm writing. That last line is really fascinating and hard hitting. The entire work made me question a persons place in society, and if our society is even built upon the morals it claims to uphold. Not bad.

  11. john - seneca falls, ny
    July 24, 2013 at 08:30

    Emma: Great work! I look forward to reading the rest of your poem. Why did you choose chocolate?

  12. MRS. E - FALLS, PENNSYLVANIA
    July 24, 2013 at 07:49

    What a great poem. Please continue to post the rest of it. I thought I knew where you were heading with your thoughts until the last section.

  13. Bethany - Philadelphia, PA
    July 23, 2013 at 06:19

    What an interesting take on different perspectives and what an interesting way to frame it. As we get older, does our definition of the world get refined or more complicated?

 

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