THE DEBUTANTE, THE WIFE, THE MOTHER, AND THE MOTHER-IN-LAW

Upon her return to New York, Eleanor devoted much of her time to fulfilling her sense of social obligation inspired by her schooling. She investigated working conditions for the Consumer's League and enjoyed spending time at the Rivington Street Settlement, where she taught dancing and other skills to underprivileged children.

Eleanor dreaded her next duty as a wealthy young woman at the turn of the century: coming out as a debutante. This would mean endless parties, dances, and dates, where she would be scrutinized. She was not like her Uncle Teddy Roosevelt's daughter Alice, who floated through social gatherings with ease and confidence.

Fortunately, Eleanor found that her experience abroad helped her feel more comfortable in social situations, and she began to enjoy the company of her distant cousin Franklin, who came from the Hyde Park side of the Roosevelt family. She admired his social ease, ambition, and good humor, and he appreciated her sincerity and concern for others.

Franklin soon proposed, and after a year of keeping their engagement secret from an overprotective Sara Delano Roosevelt, Franklin and Eleanor were married. The wedding took place in New York, on Saint Patrick's Day, March 17, 1905. The location and timing accommodated Eleanor's Uncle Teddy, who attended the wedding and gave Eleanor away, in addition to his duties as President.

As a young wife and mother, Eleanor felt lost. Mother-in-law Sara dominated every aspect of the young couple's life. She bought and decorated adjoining townhouses in New York as a wedding present. This gave her access to the couple's quarters at any time. Franklin and Eleanor had six children, including one who died in infancy, between 1906 and 1916. Sara chose nannies for the children and told both Eleanor and the children that Eleanor was "only the one who bore you: I am your real mother."

Eleanor felt constricted and unsuccessful in the traditional role of mother and housewife, and her mother-in-law added to her insecurity and unhappiness. Franklin, despite initial pleas from Eleanor, stayed out of the relationship between his mother and his wife.

Politics opened the door for a more independent existence for Eleanor and Franklin. As New York State Senator, Franklin moved the family to Albany, and Eleanor began to learn about, if not completely enjoy, the duties of a politician's wife. Soon after, Franklin's service as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, in Washington, D.C. provided Eleanor with new opportunities. She worked with the Red Cross during World War I, and began to familiarize herself with Washington's political society.